Hey Selfish! The #Relationship is Not Just About You! ~

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others (Phi 2:3-4)~~

We are all selfish. We are born completely selfish, and (hopefully) spend the rest of our lives trying to improve. Some selfishness is necessary, it keep us alive, safe, and sane. Fortunately, we don’t have to go to extremes to become selfless. Extreme selflessness however is possible, but it takes years to achieve and requires very difficult sacrifices.

Unfortunately however, the truth is not self-evident. I think most of us believe to some degree that selflessness is easy, but all too often our actions show something else. Why is it so difficult to understand that selflessness means putting others ahead of ourselves?

Unfortunately, it’s not so easy to see.

The delay between his selfishness and her selfish reaction can vary from immediate to days, weeks, or months. Additionally, the area of selfishness often changes. For instance, much of a wife’s sexual selfishness may be a result of her husband’s selfishness in non-sexual areas. Likewise, much of his selfishness to her may stem from her sexual selfishness to him. I’m not suggesting either of those are right, but they are reality.

The fix is for one person to choose to be less selfish. Don’t act selfishly, and when she is selfish choose not to response in kind. Yes, doing this puts you at a disadvantage. She can now be more selfish than you are and get away with it. However, if you keep it up, she will become less selfish. To start with, she will not be reacting to your selfishness. Beyond that, she will almost certainly respond to your change by becoming less selfish herself. Odds are she will do this without even intending to do it or being aware of it.

Choosing to be the less selfish spouse is not easy. Neither is it fun. However, it is the right thing to do, and it will change your marriage for the better. Are you man enough to do it?

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Want To Be On The Side With Greener Grass? Then Water Yours! #Marriage ~>

greengrass

Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers ‘with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth (Prov 5:15-18)~~ The only real promise of infidelity is that most of those marriages end in divorce. In the blink of an eye, the trust and security that was the foundation for a healthy marriage is destroyed. Sadly, it takes years of dedicated work to rebuild lost trust and security ripped away by an affair.. IF it even happens at all!  The reason is simple. After an ice storm, have you ever attempted to walk down a frozen sidewalk? Although it’s possible, there’s always anxiety that a horrible fall might be right around the corner. What many couples fail to realize is that an absence of trust and security in a marriage is like condemning a person to live on that ice-covered sidewalk. Your mate is never truly free to relax because he or she is continually fighting to keep his or her footing.

Lawful marriage is a means God has appointed to keep from these destructive vices. But we are not properly united, except as we attend to God’s word, seeking his direction and blessing, and acting with affection. If people put as much attention into their OWN marriage as they give to outside entities activities and people, imagine how low the divorce rate would be! Instead of looking at how green the grass APPEARS to be on the other side, try watering your own grass! It’s amazing how well a marriage flourishes when we nurture it!!! It’s been said how awesome it is to marry the one you love.. (Well, who else would you marry???) — but even more awesome it is… when you LOVE THE ONE YOU MARRIED! There’s nothing worse in a marriage than that person that claims unhappiness in the marriage but then looks outside the marriage for satisfaction!

Look it’s just that simple! Marriage is that protected fenced in backyard! NO ONE should be allowed to walk in inside it other than the two of you that are part of it… and God Himself; not the kids, not mama or daddy or your siblings or your buddies or your girlfriends! FORSAKING ALL OTHERS means just that! This is your beautiful, blessed and sacred space – Your dream yard and the curb appeal you show the world should be a reflection of God’s purpose and blessing upon you! Water the grass and tend to it meticulously! When there are issues – deal with them IN THAT SPACE. When there is joy – celebrate IN THAT SPACE. When there is tribulation – grieve and rebuild IN THAT SPACE. Your marriage should be your place of solitude and your ultimate destination to get away from the world. Treat it right and your marriage will be something you’ll always look forward to coming home to! 

(Scene in a Courtroom divorce proceeding after a husband’s name showed up on the Ashley Madison list): “Why are you asking for a divorce?” the judge inquired. “Because all my husband wants is to make love,” the woman said. “Most women would be pleased!” said the judge. “They are!!” the woman fired back. “That’s why I want a divorce!!!” – – –

Love Them So Much That You DO What’s DUE ~ #Marriage ~

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband (1 Cor 7:3)~~ Marriage does not give the man the right of being a bully, or a brute, one who demands his rights as the head of the house with never a “Thank you.” Nor does it give the wife the right to spend a lifetime trying to straighten out her husband, and to mold him into the image of her own idealism.

The foundation for the family and for the home is the husband’s love, for without his mental attitude of love, he can expect no response from his wife. When a man invests nothing in his marriage, he will receive nothing in return. The woman only becomes complex when she has nothing to respond to. Some men want their wife to assume what seems to be more of the role of a mother to them, to give catering and attention to them as a mother would. So, instead of the man giving, he demands this provision. A woman wants to look with respect toward her husband. She does not want to look at him as just another child to rear and handle. This type of a man has not grown up and thinks only of what he can get, not what he can give. Part of the husband’s obligation and his responsibility as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ is to cover and to please his wife and to MAKE his marriage a success. That means GIVING into it!

A husband must so love his wife, as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it. The basis is giving. Yes, GIVING is of the utmost importance in every facet of the marriage bond. The Bible says “For God so loved the world, He GAVE His only begotten Son… (John 3:16)… Yes, He loves so much that He just gave!! And just like He doesn’t force or demand that we do anything, we can’t worry about the level of what the other person does in the relationship. God didn’t say do these things if or as long as the other person does those things, He just said DO them and HE would handle the rest. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not (Gal 6:9); And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise (Heb 6:15).

God will take care of it all in HIS due time…we just need to DO what we are supposed to do, regardless of the ‘stuff’ around us that is making us want to just want to quit. That’s DUE Benevolence… You OWE that to your spouse, your marriage, your Family… And you made a vow to give it. It’s not a burden to give into your marriage, you should be pleased to do it! So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a CHEERFUL giver (2 Cor 9:7) (It’s not just about money) Give what YOU’RE supposed to give in the marriage – do it with pleasure – and have faith in Him for the rest…that’s all God wants you to do.

Two From One – One From Two! – #Marriage ~

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen 2:21-24)

rib

For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh (Eph 5:30-31) ~~ Marriage Is one big journey from selfishness to selflessness. As God gave up everything He had in His son Jesus; A husband in God’s will for marriage will give up everything he is and everything he has in order to make sure his wife has what she needs and his marriage is sustainable. No matter how big the sacrifice, meeting her needs becomes his priority. When a wife is dealing with a troubling situation the husband should be willing to be the bad guy. He’ll get as dirty as he has to in order to keep her clean. Helping her character remain clean is important, and the best way to do this is by learning and living according to the Bible. Ephesians 5 calls husbands to “present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle.” Men, Our charge is not to dog our wives, or point out their shortcomings, but to do all we can to reveal the true beauty we see inside her. Yes, the “church” has some issues, but Christ sees something different. Just the same if our wives have some issues, we are to see and reveal her beauty, not ridicule or punish her for her issues or expose her negatively. We are to nourish and protect her integrity; be compassionate and patient through her pains and stresses; and be supportive and a partner through her trials! Most people treat themselves better than they treat others. We make exceptions and excuses for the same mistakes we condemn in other people. But with our wives, we should love and treat her the same way we do ourselves. Husbands should treat their wives with the utmost care and concern. One of our biggest roles as a husband is to become one with our wife. The Bible actually says “one flesh.” That means to become closer to her than anybody or anything else on this earth. Even if it means separating from other people (yes, even our blood families!!) or ways of life or other things that come against your union. Once you become one, nothing can keep you apart.

The Man is the Head; But The Woman is by no means the Tail #Relationship ->

HusbandWife

Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man (Gen 2:22-23)~~ God, as her Father, brought the woman to the man, as his second self, and a help meet for him. That woman, who is of God’s making by special grace, and of God’s bringing by special providence, is likely to prove a help meet for a man. She was given purpose by God and as was God’s intent, must be taken CARE of, not taken advantage of. Women, the help for man from God, become the wives and mothers that bring forth generations – following the Will of God, to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth (Gen 1:28). They are meant by God, as ‘help’ to the man, to look after us in our purpose. A gift of divine benefit, women must be looked after by us that their purpose (to help …. us) may be fulfilled rather than hindered. Yes, MAN, God created HER to look after you and take care of you! How could we possibly abuse what God has given us to help us???

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church (Eph 5:28-29). As men, it is imperative that we exist with the woman standing beside us, dwelling with us in a presiding position. The man is to take his place as the head, according to God’s order, but by no means is the woman to be dishonored, disrespected or abused as minions or subjects to us! It takes commitment and surrender to God’s order on the part of both man and woman to come to a place of true understanding. This is the basis for seeing her as a vessel to honor, respect and care for because she is weaker. That women are usually physically weaker is undeniable, but that certainly does not mean she is less valuable or that she does not have equal access to grace. Rather, it is a basis for a man to treat a woman with understanding, tenderness, and patience.

It’s my prayer that we as men come to a better place of how we treat women ~ because as we degrade, destroy, disrespect and disregard them, we ultimately do so to ourselves! 

Man Of The House.. Are You BEING the Man? #ManUp #Marriage ~

BlackManFamily

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body (Eph 5:23)~~ A key flaw in the mindset of many husbands is that being the “head of the wife” or the “head of the house” means they possess some title of greatness because of their ‘manhood’ and they can live like some lavish king being served by his subjects and catered to by his minions! Even if the truth is not as far gone as the example, the point here cannot be stated better than by Jesus Himself: “Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant” (Mark 10:43). Being the head of the household and/or the head of the wife means work, duty and great responsibility. The “head” is the one RESPONSIBLE for what happens in the house and in the marriage and in the family. You cannot enjoy the privileges of “headship” and not be willing to shoulder the responsibilities that come with it. Being in the role of ‘leader’ doesn’t mean you get to sit and dictate and be served – in fact, you are to serve and MOST OF THE TIME you will serve more than you will BE served! You can’t franchise, subcontract or outsource your husband responsibilities without hurting your wife and your marriage. You are accountable to God for the physical and spiritual welfare of your family. Make your wife’s life easier by carrying all of your responsibilities dutifully. Your wife was not created to carry out her role and yours at the same time. Your wife should not live like a widow while you are still alive. You are the man, the CEO, Priest, Provider and Protector of the family. Act like it. Be involved, be present, take charge, work hard, pray, plan and execute. Above all “husbands”, remember that your wife is your suitable helper, you are not hers! Let her thank God that she is married to you! You are the “head” but are you “heading”? You are the MAN but are you BEING the man?

The Man is the Head, But the Woman is by no means the tail! #LoveHerRight ->

TheWoman

Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man (Gen 2:22-23)~~ God, as her Father, brought the woman to the man, as his second self, and a help meet for him. That woman, who is of God’s making by special grace, and of God’s bringing by special providence, is likely to prove a help meet for a man. She was given purpose by God and as was God’s intent, must be taken CARE of, not taken advantage of. Women, the help for man from God, become the wives and mothers that bring forth generations – following the Will of God, to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth (Gen 1:28). They are meant by God, as ‘help’ to the man, to look after us in our purpose. A gift of divine benefit, women must be looked after by us that their purpose (to help …. us) may be fulfilled rather than hindered. Yes, MAN, God created HER to look after you and take care of you! How could we possibly abuse what God has given us to help us???

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church (Eph 5:28-29). As men, it is imperative that we exist with the woman standing beside us, dwelling with us in a presiding position. The man is to take his place as the head, according to God’s order, but by no means is the woman to be dishonored, disrespected or abused as minions or subjects to us! It takes commitment and surrender to God’s order on the part of both man and woman to come to a place of true understanding. This is the basis for seeing her as a vessel to honor, respect and care for because she is weaker. That women are usually physically weaker is undeniable, but that certainly does not mean she is less valuable or that she does not have equal access to grace. Rather, it is a basis for a man to treat a woman with understanding, tenderness, and patience.

It’s my prayer that we as men come to a better place of how we treat women ~ because as we degrade, destroy, disrespect and disregard them, we ultimately do so to ourselves!